Her name is Allanah. Her birth certificate says that she was born in 1999. But, some days I'm convinced that she is much older than facts dictate.
As her mother, I am keenly aware of what our roles should be and that I am the one who should be teaching her lessons. And, I believe that I do.
I've nurtured this beautiful gem of a daughter for almost fifteen years. I rocked her as a newborn against my chest. I taught her the alphabet and patience as a toddler. I kissed her cheek goodbye on her first day of kindergarten and promised her that everything would be okay. I guided her through the purchase of her first bra. I helped her pick her dress for her very first middle school formal dance. I taught her to apply makeup and reminded her of just how beautiful she is - inside and out. And, I have kissed her boo-boos - helping to soothe both the physical ones and those inevitable emotional ones.
Of course, all parents know that our children often teach us as we endeavor to teach them. It is inevitable. And such is the case with my Allanah. Many days I truly feel that I am the student and she is the teacher. At the age of thirty-eight, I wonder how this fourteen-year old become so wise beyond her years.
I am a complainer. I work hard to overcome this on a daily basis. I often don't even realize that I am whining. Lately, she has instructed me that I should owe her a quarter each time my mumblings of complaints begin. {I'll probably go broke soon.} She recently told me that "the world is too beautiful of a place to be so negative." Zinger.
She has repeatedly pointed out the fact that I don't take compliments well. {I haven't always had the greatest self-confidence and I've always struggled with people's true intentions.} When my husband or others comment positively on my appearance, I often find myself laughing it off and making a joke in return. Just recently, she remarked that I need to learn to appreciate people's compliments and not cut myself down as a defense mechanism. How does she even know these phrases?
And, I cannot even begin to understand her homework nor do I begin to grasp the math, science and history knowledge that this kid has. But, if I am being honest, there are moments when I feel straight-up well, stupid compared to her. But, I am okay with that. Don't get me wrong - I am beyond grateful that my children are smart, straight-A students. Isn't that what we want it life - for our kids to do better and go further than we ever did? And, this girl soars beyond my expectations when it comes to the knowledge she holds.
When I vent aloud to my husband and she overhears that I'm upset with a friend or relative, she has asked me why I don't just talk to them about it instead of allowing it to bottle up inside of me. That doesn't solve anything, she reminds me.
One of the more-profound lessons that she teaches me on a regular basis these days is to not focus on what others think. I find myself sometimes prodding her to do her hair or makeup a certain way, for example. Or, sometimes I question whether her choice of outfits is "popular" right now - no one wants their children picked on or embarrassed. Once again, her responses are always so eye-opening and sometimes they stop me in my tracks. If I like it, mom, that's all that matters. What can a mom say to that? I'm proud that she has confidence. I'm proud that she is her own person. And, I'm proud that she isn't afraid of being herself.
What does this all mean? Well, I look at it like I must be doing something right. Maybe I shouldn't question my parenting so much - although don't we all way every step of the way? Yes, I have flaws. And, you're darn right that I mess up - a lot! But, her viewpoint on the world and her ability to embrace life with passion tells me that my husband and I might have this parenthood thing in the bag after all. It's reassuring to know that our efforts have not fallen on deaf ears and that maybe somewhere along the way, we've gotten a few things right.
What I am learning, too, is that as she is growing into an adult, she is not only my child, but is becoming a friend to me - a friend who will call me out when needed. Don't get me wrong - she usually doesn't do so in a disrespectful manner. That I would not allow, of course. But, I'm seeing that she is pushing me ever so slightly to love myself more and to be a better person. She's encouraging me to appreciate life and cherish who I am. She's wanting me to see the world as she does - full of love, promise and hope.
What an encouraging thing in life to see our children becoming their own individuals. And, when those changes and stages are full of positivity and promise, it's like watching a tree that we've nurtured over time bear luscious fruit. We've sown the seeds ... invested our time, love and energy into our children. To see them thrive and blossom is nothing short of spectacular.
They say that raising children is our gift to the world. If that's true, I do believe that I have one amazing present to give.
No comments:
Post a Comment